An Edible/Audible Tribute to Eric Clapton

Today is Eric Clapton's birthday, and since he's been in enough bands to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thrice, he merit's his own installment of Edible/Audible, the game for foodies and music lovers with bizarre forms of synesthesia. And to tie it together, they all need a common ingredient. I have decided that by virtue of its versatility, the peanut will be Eric Clapton. Let's see where this one goes.

The Yardbirds - Cracker Jack
Not just about the peanuts, also the big break for caramelized things. First packaged snack. Crispy and crunchy sound, now has a very old-school feel about it.

Cream - Curry with Peanut Sauce
If this is made right, the sheer volume of capsaicin will have your senses and your GI tract tripping for hours.

Blind Faith - Payday Bars
An underrated candy that should get more credit for what it is - a hard rocking salty blues band with a caramel center.

Derek & the Dominos - Peanut Butter, Banana, and Bacon Sandwich
Comfort food made up of an all-star lineup for when the love of your life loves the one person in the world who's cooler than you. Something we can all relate to. Also, the most likely food to have parts of it, namely the cholesterol-loaded piano coda, written by a schizophrenic.

Solo Career - Spoonful of Peanut Butter
Stays in your mouth for five minutes when you only really want it to last for about three.

Edible/Audible, Abbreviations Edition

A special installment of the Edible/Audible series, a series where we find out what would happen if your favorite band was a food. This one is dedicated to bands that are commonly referred to by their initials. And yes, I realize I recycled one from a previous installment. What are you going to do about it?

CCR (Creedence Clearwater Revival) – Pizza Bagel Bites

Although it may seem more fitting to link CCR with some kind of southern (or faux-southern) food, they’re a band based on single servings that generally will go over well any time. Eat a whole album of these and you may not find it to be as appealing.

BTO (Bachman-Turner Overdrive) - Tortilla Chips

Something generic and non-nutritive, and although it is not a requirement for a party, it helps to have them somewhere in the background.

BOC (Blue Oyster Cult) – Potato Skins with Cheese and Bacon

Does it make sense? No. Is it awesome? Yes!

RHCP (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Microwavable Burrito
Within their career, within a decade, within an album, and even within a song, they can alternate between riffs that are boiling-lava hot and remaining cool and unaffected by the chaos surrounding them. They are a composite of many textures, ingredients, and even of cultures, and most notably, are something that could only come out of LA. Also, fits nicely into a tube sock.

ELO (Electric Light Orchestra) - Mac n' Cheese

Accessible, reminds you of a simpler time, but can still sustain you well through your adult life.

DMB (Dave Matthews Band) - Chili with Okra

Almost sounds like generic Americana music, but there's something definitely off about the texture...

GNR (Guns n’ Roses) – Grape Nuts

Yes, it’s hard to believe, but this was once one of the most popular foods in America.

RATM (Rage Against the Machine) – A triple shot of fair-trade espresso

Politically and socially conscious, still gets you wired as hell

STP (Stone Temple Pilots) – Carob

Tries really hard to taste like the real thing, but just can’t.

NIN (Nine Inch Nails) - Cytomax

Based on principles of organic chemistry, but tastes like it's spent its entire existence in a laboratory and has never seen a tree, or even blue sky. Definitely takes some time to get used to, and with some people, it just never takes.

The 10 Most Delicious Albums of 2010

When I had the idea to do this post back in June, I was worried that it would turn into "The Ten Albums that I At Least Kinda Liked This Year."  Fortunately for the world of music and unfortunately for my sanity, there ended up being a hefty load of albums to consider.  Of course, this means that I had to keep on top of contemporary music, which was, well, not exactly my forte.  This year, there was no tour-de-force album like Light Grenades, no Good Apollo, no De-Loused in the Comatorium, no Ten, no Systematic Chaos, no Who Are We Living For? no By The Way, or even a Stadium Arcadium.  I don't think there was even an In Absentia.  But we got some good releases this year, so we can at leas celebrate that.


Before we begin, I would like to give a bit of a disclaimer.  First of all, even though these albums are ranked in a hierarchy, that doesn't necessarily mean that one is "better" than the albums below it, or that there is really any objective and quantifiable way to measure how good or bad an album is.  These are my picks for the purposes of this post.  But please, controversy is appreciated.  And of course, I am no authority on the matter.  My taste shouldn't dictate or even influence your taste.


All right, well here we go...

10) Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - The Brutalist Bricks


This came as a surprise, as I really didn't think this album would be making it into the top ten.  But here it is.  It's not deep, it's not complex, but I'll be dipped in molasses and called Shirley (what?) if this album doesn't make you jump around.  And nothing but a cocktail of endorphins and dissolved ecstasy injected directly into your brain stem will elevate your mood more than the song "Bottled in Cork."










9) Mutiny Within - Mutiny Within


This album made me fall in love with screaming all over again.  My hair also grew three inches during my first listen through this album, my clothes turned black, and I found myself fighting a midget at four in the morning on the Sunset Strip.  They remind me of Avenged before M. Shadows vocal chords self destructed, augmented with the melodic sensibilities of Dream Theater.  Since this is their debut album, they also get the nod as newcomers of the year.









8) Jason Moran - Ten


Who said piano jazz wasn't cool.  Ok, this album won't exactly become the anthem for today's youth, and listeners who aren't familiar with the genre probably won't get many thrills out of this album.  But the musicianship of Moran's trio, the Bandwagon, is exceptional, honed over their ten years of playing together.  Moran's sound can shift from slow, stripped-down bluesy to McCoy Tyner-esque franticness in an instant.  Definitely an album worth checking out for anyone who gives a flying fuck in the direction of jazz.









7) Bettye LaVette - Interpretations: The British Rock Songbook


R&B singer Betty LaVette created what may be the most interesting album of the year: covers of British Invasion songs in her own unique style.  In my opinion, this is exactly what covers should be.  Rather than simply re-creating a song, a cover should be a re-interpretation of the song, and cast it in an entirely new light. LaVette does this on every track in this album, covering songs by the likes of Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Beatles, The Animals, and Pink Floyd, among others.  The album was inspired when LaVette performed a cover of "Love, Reign O'er Me" at the Kennedy Center Honors, a performance which was considered by many to be the highlight of the event.  Two years later, this masterpiece emerged.  The best part: her signature soulful moaning on an incredibly sexy and strutting rendition of "All of my Love."









6) Gogol Bordello - Trans-Continental Hustle


In a way, this album by gypsy-punk outfit Gogol Bordello is the soundtrack to globalization, combining eastern European musical traditions with frantic, uptempo, and sometimes angry, good-ole-fashioned punk rock.  This album delivers a heavy dose of mayhem and madness, perfect for everything from fist pumping to lining up a row of grain alcohol shots.  And while I'm not necessarily sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, it kind of makes me want to charge, head first, at full-tilt, into a brick wall, because I'm sure I could break through.  









5) Mavis Staples - You Are Not Alone


Mavis Staples praises Jesus for salvation, and I praise Jesus for Mavis Staples.  Improbably produced by Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, this album takes the most famous Staples Sister (don't deny it) to a whole new dimension.  Whether it's the uptempo gospel tracks or the Wilco-infused ballads, this album is guaranteed to cause an entirely healthy euphoria.*


*This statement has not been certified by the Surgeon General.








4) Coheed and Cambria - Year of the Black Rainbow

This album kind of sounds like what would happen if one of the most iconic alternative rock bands of the 00's picked up the drummer from the Dellinger Escape Plan and then had Atticus Ross produce their new album.  Oh wait, that is what happened.  While the outcome isn't as great as the masterpieces of In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth and Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV, this is a solid album of solid rocking, something that was conspicuously hard to find this year.  Completing the band's five-part story arc of concept albums, this album fills in the first chapter.  It follows the same general structure as the band's other albums, starting with a quiet instrumental track, segueing into the anthem, then a smattering of vocal hooks and guitar assaults with a power ballad or two thrown in for good measure, and then concluding with a long and brooding song.  But it's a structure that works.  I noted in another post that Coheed is a Passover Sedar, which I guess would make the band's first four albums Exodus.  If so, then this album is a kind of Genesis, an epic of creation, flaws, failure, and then dealing with the consequences.  It's kind of like getting hit over the head with a pillar of salt.













3) Bill Frisell - Beautiful Dreamers


On his umpteenth album, Jazz/Folk/Americana guitarist Bill Frisell teams up with drummer Rudy Royston and Violist Eyvind Kang and expands the sound that he has been pioneering over his decades-long career: a richly textured blend of spacey post-bop and American folk music.  And while the mood ranges from upbeat, on tracks like "Better than a Machine," to melancholy, on tracks like "No Time to Cry," the album feels like one piece of through composed music, the breaks between tracks being only pauses between movements.  If this album were a food, it would probably be a chicken fried cocktail olive - classy yet folksy.

2) The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang


New Jersey punk rockers The Gaslight Anthem have produced another album of, driving riffs, gritty vocals, and Jersey angst.  It's softer, and, yes, not quite as punky as their previous albums, but it is by no means any less intense.  And whatever it loses in it's punkliness it gains in soulfulness.  This is music for nostalgia, for regret, for bitterness, for dreamers, and for the hopeless romantics.











1) Pete Francis - The Movie we are In


No, unlike everyone else, I did not pick Kanye for the top album of 2010.  In fact, I picked an album that most people won't even be considering for their top x albums of the year, let alone #1.  So I guess I had better explain myself.


Pete Francis is much better known as being a member of Dispatch.  When they broke up and pursued their respective solo acts, it seemed as though they devolved into two dime-a-dozen singer-songwriters and a politically minded wanna-be Jamaican.  Of course, each of the three respective acts - Pete Francis, Braddigan, and State Radio - all ended up coming into their own, but without the same kind of fandom, and, of course, the synergy.  I've stated that State Radio is Dispatch without the fun, and that Braddigan is Dispatch without the attitude.  This album takes a lot of what I love about Dispatch (but of course far from all of it) and gives it a gritty reboot: Francis' singer-songwriter style is augmented with electronic drum beats and synthesizer tracks.  And even though it is a contemporary singer-songwriter writing for contemporary electronic instrumentation, parts of the album seem to be channeling Tom Petty, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, and Revolver-era Beatles.

This also gets the nod for the best album cover of the year, because it depicts what most of us did: pay out the nose to wear silly little glasses that were supposed to make us think a terrible movie were better.









Albums on the Bubble


Portugal. The Man - American Ghetto
Soulive - Rubber Soulive
Ali Farka Toure & Toumani Diabate - Ali & Toumani
Brad Mehldau - Highway Rider
Taking Dawn - Time to Burn
Broken Bells - Broken Bells
Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings - I Learned the Hard Way
The Young Veins - Take a Vacation!
Thomas Mapfumo & the Blacks Unlimited - Exile
Cee-Lo Green - The Lady Killer
Against Me! - White Crosses
Eels - End Times
The Disco Biscuits - Planet Anthem


Biggest Disappointment: A Tie Between The Black Keys' Brothers and MGMT's Congradulations


Also check out the somewhat posthumous release by Jimi Hendrix, entitled Valleys of Neptune.  Unfortunately, due to its posthumous status, it could not even be put in consideration.




And that, ladies and gents, was what was in 2010.

Edible/Audible, Round 4

More answers to the tough question: what if your favorite band were a food?

Tom Petty: Leftover Meatloaf
This is food with a fuck you attitude. This is food for people who just don't have it in them to cook something, at least not right now, or maybe its your breakfast because you're out of cold pizza.  Yeah, it's kind of chewy and lost a little flavor in the fridge, but fuck you man, you're gonna eat this shit.  It's got protein and whatever the hell kind of other stuff you put in it.

The Shins: Lentil Soup
A food that's comfort food even though it isn't very sweet or fatty, and in fact, supplies complete proteins and complex carbohydrates.  Also enjoyed by militant vegans, who are kind of like die-hard Shins fans.  Kind of.

Chick Corea Electric Band: Paella
Both complex and complicated, bringing a whole assortment of melodies, sounds, and even textures together

Slightly Stoopid: Taco Bell
Taking something great, be it reggae or standard taqueria fare, and trying to both imitate it and exaggerate it thematically creates something that is awkward and obnoxious, but still provides some cheap enjoyment.  Is also inseparably linked with being fucked up in one way or another.

Explosions in the Sky: Peyote-laced Jam
You would think that if a band were to be Peyote Jam, it would be Pearl Jam, since that is where their name comes from (Eddie Vedder allegendly had a great-grandmother named Pearl who had a recipe for peyote-laced jam, and anything is better than being called "Mookie Baylock") but Explosions in the Sky is a far more fitting band.  Whether it is brushing your teeth or clipping your toenails, getting stuck in traffic or riding in an elevator with someone who smells bad, every moment will seem like the most profound moment of your life if you are listening to Explosions in the Sky.

Barenaked Ladies: Fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt
Something that you kind of want to take seriously, but you can't quite get there.  (It probably has to do with the fact that one is most certainly Canadian and the other seems like it would be thought up by a Canadian.)

Edible/Audible #3

Steely Dan: Sushi
This is the authentic kind, not the kind you can get for $3.50 at the deli.  Meticulously prepared, using a variety of ingredients, flavors, and studio artists, but only those of the highest quality.

Dispatch: Trail Mix
Raisins, peanuts, M&M's, cashews, rock, folk, funk, reggae, something for the outdoors, something you can always count on to munch on, something that holds up well on the road.  Makes you want to go backpacking, or at least play some Ultimate Frisbee.

Jefferson Airplane: Sloppy Joe's
Spicy, tangy, wild, erratic, not entirely based on logic.  On a personal level, this seems to be something that my mom was a little too enthusiastic about.  Seriously, before she became a vegetarian, we had them like, once a week at least.  (Note: This does not include Jefferson Starship or Starship.)

Ke$ha: Hostess Twinkies
So heavily produced there isn't anything organic left, makes you feel sick inside, clogs your arteries, sends you into insulin shock, leaving you in such an altered state that you seriously consider brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack.  And a very unnerving texture.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones: Barbecue Spare Ribs
A tight horn section, giving it a tangy, spicy, and smoky flavor.  Still, it's messy, and doesn't mix well with high society or formal occasions.

Bad Religion: Satay Peanut Sauce
Smooth, spicy, a bit heavy.  Sends some people into anaphylactic shock.

Edible/Audible, Round 2

Time for another round of the useless but at the same time oh-so important exercise of determining the culinary equivalent of a particular band or artist! Here we go...

Vampire Weekend: Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Both are inexplicably comforting, and both can be made by pretty much anyone. Vampire Weekend sound like a bunch of kids fooling around with Garage Band, slapping together words that kind of rhyme, and somehow thinking that this makes them intellectual versions of Paul Simon. Despite that, it's almost universally accessible, easily digested, and inexplicably delicious.

Dire Straits: Fish and Chips

Conventional, stripped down, gritty, greasy, crispy, juicy, edgy yet tender, working class, and the perfect prelude for passing out in the back alley of a pub. Although I cannot vouch for this, it would probably also be good for debriefing after a football riot.

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Microwavable Burrito

Within their career, within a decade, within an album, and even within a song, they can alternate between riffs that are boiling-lava hot and remaining cool and unaffected by the chaos surrounding them. They are a composite of many textures, ingredients, and even of cultures, and most notably, are something that could only come out of LA. Also, fits nicely into a tube sock.

Aerosmith: Captain Crunch

Guitar work that can shred the roof of your mouth, but produced with enough refined carbs to send you into insulin shock, and augmented with an extensive list of chemicals that you can't even begin to pronounce.

The Mars Volta: Pad Thai

An assortment of spicy things thrown together, tossed around in a wok of sizzling chili oil. Bland and low quality imitations appeal to hipsters. The distinct flavor initially puts a lot of people off, and you either grow to love it or bury your head in the sand and pass it off as something strange and foreign.

Billy Joel: Lamb Kebab

Despite being way more awesome (what's better than grilled meat on a stick) and much more flavorful than your average steak any day, it will always be perceived as a little strange (The Stranger?) and not quite as cool as its counterpart, no matter how hard it tries, in both flavor and delivery. Unfortunate.

The Ramones: Kool-Aid

Really simple, minimal ingredients. There's nothing not to like because there's barely anything there.

Lou Reed: Thin Crust Pizza with Anchovies

A phenomenon that has its epicenter in New York City. Some people love it, but I really don't get it.

Until next time, Earth.

Edible/Audible: A Question of Great Importance

This is something that keeps me up at night. Seriously. Which food is the culinary equivalent of a certain band or artist? Here are some of the findings of my research:

Pearl Jam: Leftovers

It conjures up a variety of moods, all laced with either nostalgia or bitterness. Good music for being in a hurry, good for being sad and lonely, or when you just need some music that's in the fridge. The instrumentals sound more like classic rock, like yesterday when you had the energy and incentive to prepare good quality food, but Eddie Vedder's vocals sound more contemporary, like today, when you're just too damn tired to use anything but the microwave.

The Eagles: Turkey Sandwich w/ Avocado

A bland staple that everyone can agree upon, with a slight Californian flavor. Overplayed and available everywhere. I guess that by association, you could say that Don Henley is guacamole and that Joe Walsh is a steak and avocado sandwich.

Coheed and Cambria: Passover Sedar

It makes perfect sense if you know what the story behind it is, but if, like most of the world's population, you don't know why the hell you're supposed to eat bitter herb, unleavened bread, and a lumpy, fruit-and-nut paste. There are also many vague references to being the chosen one and to a very protracted journey home.

Beirut: Tabbouleh

Vaguely ethnic, and probably good for you.

Rise Against: Eggplant Phall

No animals were harmed in the making of this angry, angry food.

Kenny G: Straight Barbecue Sauce, Eaten With a Spoon

Try to eat a whole bowl of it, and you will have an awful experience. The first bite is tangy, has soul to it, and hints at potential, but after that, it's repetitive and disgusting.

Atari Teenage Riot: Boiled Boot Leather

It's not actually food, but you can eat it, just like Atari Teenage Riot is not music, but people still listen to it.