Edible/Audible, Round 2

Time for another round of the useless but at the same time oh-so important exercise of determining the culinary equivalent of a particular band or artist! Here we go...

Vampire Weekend: Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Both are inexplicably comforting, and both can be made by pretty much anyone. Vampire Weekend sound like a bunch of kids fooling around with Garage Band, slapping together words that kind of rhyme, and somehow thinking that this makes them intellectual versions of Paul Simon. Despite that, it's almost universally accessible, easily digested, and inexplicably delicious.

Dire Straits: Fish and Chips

Conventional, stripped down, gritty, greasy, crispy, juicy, edgy yet tender, working class, and the perfect prelude for passing out in the back alley of a pub. Although I cannot vouch for this, it would probably also be good for debriefing after a football riot.

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Microwavable Burrito

Within their career, within a decade, within an album, and even within a song, they can alternate between riffs that are boiling-lava hot and remaining cool and unaffected by the chaos surrounding them. They are a composite of many textures, ingredients, and even of cultures, and most notably, are something that could only come out of LA. Also, fits nicely into a tube sock.

Aerosmith: Captain Crunch

Guitar work that can shred the roof of your mouth, but produced with enough refined carbs to send you into insulin shock, and augmented with an extensive list of chemicals that you can't even begin to pronounce.

The Mars Volta: Pad Thai

An assortment of spicy things thrown together, tossed around in a wok of sizzling chili oil. Bland and low quality imitations appeal to hipsters. The distinct flavor initially puts a lot of people off, and you either grow to love it or bury your head in the sand and pass it off as something strange and foreign.

Billy Joel: Lamb Kebab

Despite being way more awesome (what's better than grilled meat on a stick) and much more flavorful than your average steak any day, it will always be perceived as a little strange (The Stranger?) and not quite as cool as its counterpart, no matter how hard it tries, in both flavor and delivery. Unfortunate.

The Ramones: Kool-Aid

Really simple, minimal ingredients. There's nothing not to like because there's barely anything there.

Lou Reed: Thin Crust Pizza with Anchovies

A phenomenon that has its epicenter in New York City. Some people love it, but I really don't get it.

Until next time, Earth.