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Review: Coheed and Cambria's Year of the Black Rainbow

This review is awful, I'm warning you.  Not that it's a bad review like I don't like the album.  I just review it very badly.

It's easy to make comparisons between Coheed and Cambria's new album, Year of the Black Rainbow, and their previous efforts: that it's a departure from the prog sound they adopted in 2007's No World for Tomorrow, that it's way more tightly produced and in your face than their first two albums, that it lacks the instrumental hooks of Good Apollo, while seemingly shifting much of the melodic emphasis to the vocals.  But in the first few seconds of "The Broken," after you're assaulted by a fleshy metal riff, topped by Claudio's distinctive vocals, you know it's still Coheed at its finest.  Coheed's fifth album comes off as more polished but certainly no less refined, the logical culmination of a sound that somehow seems to thwart attempts at classification.

Coheed and Cambria combines two things that I love: rock music and science fiction.  (The first which makes me cool, the latter which makes me extremely uncool.)  Their five albums (to date, hopefully) chronicle an epic science fiction saga, conceived by frontman Claudio Sanchez and illustrated in a series of graphic novels.  This essentially makes Coheed's work a step beyond the concept album; seeing as all of their material to date is related to this story, Coheed and Cambria is a concept band.  (Take that, Springsteen!)  As a result, their songs haven't always made sense but can be interpreted in any number of ways, from the profound and open ended ("In your last hour stand / you'll notice / the one that you have loved in dreams / is here among the others") to things that are seemingly profound, but aren't ("You may be invited / But you're not coming in"), to the absurd ("Die white girl! / Die white girl!")

The sound is definitely fuller and denser because of the addition of Dillinger Escape Plan drummer Chris Pennie, but the real change in sound comes in production.  By enlisting Nine Inch Nails producer Atticus Ross, the band took a step away from the prog direction and has cultivated a sound that sounds more like their sound before No World for Tomorrow with a bit of an industrial infusion.  This is evident on tracks like "Far" and "Here We Are Juggernaut," which sound more produced, more enhanced, more artificial.  The album sounds powerful, not really like getting punched in the face, but more like having your head held underwater.  At times it can be overwhelming, but never off-putting, as long as you are accustomed to Claudio's vocals, which have been known to turn many away.

The biggest complaint I have with Year of the Black Rainbow is the lack the instrumentals sections that punctuated the band's previous albums.  Yes, there are guitar solos a-plenty, but there are precious few of the long riffs and more technical and vocal-free passages that were one of Coheed's unique attributes.  There is no track like "2113" on Year of the Black Rainbow, and I feel that absence is the album's dark matter; something that feels like it should be there but can't be found.

I hate to give out a number of stars or some other form of conventional rating.  I would equate this to a food, seeing as I seem to have some bizarre form of synesthesia, but I have already determined that Coheed and Cambria is a Passover Seder.  All I can say is that I would order seconds.

The 3rd Millennium: Introducing the iBorg

Apple would be the company to create the world's first human cyborgs.  They have already changed the way music is consumed, and have spawned a race of incessantly annoying beings who take every opportunity to insist you get a mac.  And now they have revolutionized society by introducing the next stage of human advancement.  Ladies and gentleman, let me introduce you to: the iBorg.

I am referring to a study conducted at Stanford University which found that 20% of iPhone users think of their iPhones as being extensions of their bodies.  They equated losing their iPhone with the loss of a limb.  The way iPhone users perceive things, they have integrated the iPhone into their physical bodies.  Human bodies augmented with some sort of computer.  Cyborgs!

It is a little-known fact that I created the first iPhone back in 05, when I Velcroed my cell phone to my iPod.  This couldn't think for me, but it could do the two things that the iPhone was originally intended to do: make and receive calls, and play music.  The problem was that it couldn't really fit in my pocket, especially since my phone was essentially the retarded cousin of the then-extremely popular RAZR, a flip phone that was so thick it could barely fit in my pocket.  (Fun fact, I still use this phone, as it is incredibly drop-resistant).  So my prototype was a failure.  That's ok, failure is how you grow.  But with the iPhone, you can't fail, because it will tell you where you are, where you're going, what you need to remember, etc.  There is probably even an iPhone app that monitors vital signs.  (This app will become obsolete once our bodies have become completely integrated into the iPhone and we no longer need any organic components.)

I asked Mr. Taylor Hughes, a 1st generation iBorg, about the nature of his relationship between his biological components and his electronic components.  He denied an attachment, but he admitted that it's become something he relies on.  "You don't need one until you have one," he said, but didn't admit that it has got to the point where his iPhone is a part of him.  He also said that all these apps are doing are making us dumber.  We use them to think about things we normally would think about, and instead of freeing up our brains to think about more things, they just make our brains useless.

Taylor Hughes, my sort-of roommate and first gen iBorg.  Note the good complexion and sense of style, two traits by which one can easily identify a cyborg.  Right now, he is using an app called "Eradicate Baseline Humanity."


The iPhone is marketed as not just a smartphone, but a universal accessory that can entertain you and yes, even think for you.  Need directions?  Consult your iPhone.  Need to find a place to eat?  Consult your iPhone?  Need to find out the name of the song that's playing?  Consult your iPhone.  Need something to distract you because 3rd millennium humans can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts for a second?  Consult your iPhone.  There will be an app for everything.

What apple has done with the iPhone is to create something that remembers things for you, figures things out for you, processes information for you, and yes, thinks for you.  You are buying an extra brain, but this brain is a computer.  Apple is selling an electronic upgrade for your brain, so that you can be superior to baseline humanity.  You can go from being just a man, to man and machine.  And if that's not sci-fi, then I don't know what is.

Regime Change/Distress Call

Well, if you're paying attention, you'll be a) pissed off and b) aware that the name of this thing has, well, changed.  I had a long conversation with the preserved brain of Spaceship Earth via telepathy, and we decided that tribute or not, this thing needed a name that was, well, memorable.  And unique.  And short.  And had some memorable fricatives such as the "sh" and the "k" and the "z," which is the exact same reason why Nike, Fed Ex, Xerox, Clorox, Xanax, etc. are successful.

Now, I am sending out a cry for help.  If I want this thing to take off (a task at which I am prodigiously underachieving) I will need a layout that is my own.  The problem is that I don't have a clue about html or designing templates in general.  So if anyone wants to be part of something great before it happens (ok, I'm really just trying to entice you, but I have to dream big, right?) and is reasonably proficient in html script, or can maybe even design a blogger template that will work with this thing, please email me at natesoup@gmail.com.  I have candy.

Coming up next, I'll probably getting around to reviewing the new Coheed album, after explaining what the hell an Ozone Shack is in the first place.  Also, find out how Steely Dan is akin to sushi, how relativity is depressing, how the future is getting sillier, and how Apple is creating cyborgs.  All this will be coming next week, month, year, or millennium in the never timely but always irrelevant Ozone Shack.  And don't worry, those quoted song lyrics that have provided so much extra insight into everything, and have added a new dimension of meaning... well, they'll still be there!  Isn't the internet fun!