The 3rd Millennium: Introducing the iBorg

Apple would be the company to create the world's first human cyborgs.  They have already changed the way music is consumed, and have spawned a race of incessantly annoying beings who take every opportunity to insist you get a mac.  And now they have revolutionized society by introducing the next stage of human advancement.  Ladies and gentleman, let me introduce you to: the iBorg.

I am referring to a study conducted at Stanford University which found that 20% of iPhone users think of their iPhones as being extensions of their bodies.  They equated losing their iPhone with the loss of a limb.  The way iPhone users perceive things, they have integrated the iPhone into their physical bodies.  Human bodies augmented with some sort of computer.  Cyborgs!

It is a little-known fact that I created the first iPhone back in 05, when I Velcroed my cell phone to my iPod.  This couldn't think for me, but it could do the two things that the iPhone was originally intended to do: make and receive calls, and play music.  The problem was that it couldn't really fit in my pocket, especially since my phone was essentially the retarded cousin of the then-extremely popular RAZR, a flip phone that was so thick it could barely fit in my pocket.  (Fun fact, I still use this phone, as it is incredibly drop-resistant).  So my prototype was a failure.  That's ok, failure is how you grow.  But with the iPhone, you can't fail, because it will tell you where you are, where you're going, what you need to remember, etc.  There is probably even an iPhone app that monitors vital signs.  (This app will become obsolete once our bodies have become completely integrated into the iPhone and we no longer need any organic components.)

I asked Mr. Taylor Hughes, a 1st generation iBorg, about the nature of his relationship between his biological components and his electronic components.  He denied an attachment, but he admitted that it's become something he relies on.  "You don't need one until you have one," he said, but didn't admit that it has got to the point where his iPhone is a part of him.  He also said that all these apps are doing are making us dumber.  We use them to think about things we normally would think about, and instead of freeing up our brains to think about more things, they just make our brains useless.

Taylor Hughes, my sort-of roommate and first gen iBorg.  Note the good complexion and sense of style, two traits by which one can easily identify a cyborg.  Right now, he is using an app called "Eradicate Baseline Humanity."

The iPhone is marketed as not just a smartphone, but a universal accessory that can entertain you and yes, even think for you.  Need directions?  Consult your iPhone.  Need to find a place to eat?  Consult your iPhone?  Need to find out the name of the song that's playing?  Consult your iPhone.  Need something to distract you because 3rd millennium humans can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts for a second?  Consult your iPhone.  There will be an app for everything.

What apple has done with the iPhone is to create something that remembers things for you, figures things out for you, processes information for you, and yes, thinks for you.  You are buying an extra brain, but this brain is a computer.  Apple is selling an electronic upgrade for your brain, so that you can be superior to baseline humanity.  You can go from being just a man, to man and machine.  And if that's not sci-fi, then I don't know what is.