Bird!

Yesterday, for about fifteen minutes, I was a bird. And let me tell you, life is a lot simpler as a bird.

I ran around my apartment flapping my arms/wings, making bird calls, which mostly consisted of: cuh-CAW!! cuh-CAW!! But I lacked most of the tools to communicate my feelings in language. I didn't even know what language was, because, well, I was a bird. One of my roommates asked me how it was going. Another asked me what time it was. I could not answer either of these questions, because I have no concept of conversation, nor do I have a concept of time. I responded with another bird call to tell them that I was ab bird.

I began flying around my apartment complex, making bird calls. For some reason, no one thought this was very strange at all, because they approached me as they would if I were in human form. Actually, I shouldn't be at all perplexed by that. I know, and I know that you know, that I'm a weird dude. As they tried to interact normally with me, I reminded them that I couldn't, because I was a bird. I had no concept of language, let alone social customs. Someone asked me if I had left my book in their apartment. I told them that I had no concept of ownership, because I was a bird.

Being a bird is simpler. As humans, we waste our time writing symphonies and painting masterpieces, trying to reconcile ourselves with the inadequacies and imbalances of the world. But birds just want to peck at shit and spread their seed, peck their seed and spread their shit everywhere, especially to put the exclamation point on your particularly bad day. And keep other birds from pecking at shit that they're pecking at. I had no concept of my own mortality, no concept of politeness or social customs, no concept of right and wrong. I was a bird! Life was simple. All I had to do was keep flapping my wings and make bird calls to announce my presence (but not my existence, because I was not aware of what existence was, since I could not conceive of anything resembling non-existence). That's all it takes to make it as a bird.

But then I encountered a problem. I walked into someone else's apartment, and I couldn't figure out to get out. Of course, the way you get out of everything is to fly up, so why couldn't flying up get me out of here!?!? I hopped around and ran into walls for a while, until I thought I found a way out. Unfortunately, it was a window and I slammed my face into it. It was at this point that I decided to be a human again.

Next time I decide to be a bird, I'll stay outside.