Compostable Nacho Cheese

Nacho cheese is compostable. I’m not talking about the nice shredded queso fresco blend at your local taqueria that they put on chips to nuke to feed you when you’re drunk. I’m talking about the neon goo they give you at the ballpark that’s made of a couple hundred-odd chemicals, none of which resemble anything found in a dairy product. The kind that I, a hyper-lactose-intolerant, can drink gallons of without any of the gastrointestinal recourse. (But it brings other kinds.) And it can be composted! Companies and municipal services that compost food waste will accept nacho cheese. They will theoretically convert it into nutrient-rich organic matter that can be used for nourishing and sustaining plant life, possibly plants that provide us with food. Perhaps the gasses emitted can also be used as some sort of biofuel. Will the end-product also glow with the radiance of a thousand neon suns, as did its molecular antecedent? Will the bioluminescent ooze permeate into the roots of our crops, making its way into our bright orange what fields, our bright orange granny smith apples, our bright orange kale? Perhaps it will be used as livestock feed, and we will have bright orange turkeys on Thanksgiving. Or perhaps it will find its way into the feed for our dairy cows, and at last, we will have a cow that makes nacho cheese instead of milk.