One More from the Archives: Apple Jacks

This is a re-post from "A Tribute to Dan Quayle," originally posted in June of 2009. I was planning to re-post a few more of these, but not many of them are really up to Ozone Shack standards, which is frightening, because the Ozone Shack has low, low standards.

I awoke this morning from a dream in which I was selling bootleg DVDs on the side of the Trans-Siberian highway, somewhere near Vladivostok. I think that I needed to sell them for gas money so I could get back to Moscow. Also, I learned that the (grossly overrated,) SNL sketch "I'm on a Boat" was based on a scene from a 1970's Bollywood film.

That was before I woke up. When I did wake up, it was my last day of high school. Thechnically, it's not over until tomorrow, but I don't actually have to be there tomorrow because my classes that have finals tomorrow don't actually have finals. So I am done with that.

I'm not really thinking about it much. Lately I haven't been seeing ends or beginings, or even transitions. I just see what's going on.

But as much as it goes unnoticed to me, it is still significant, if only for the fact that it is the end of an era. That makes me more than a little regretful, because I feel like I didn't get out of high school what I wanted to, and what I should have. But I'm okay with that. So, by popular demand, I will now be telling the parable of Apple Jacks.

Now, when Apple Jacks were conceived, some executive at Kellog's must have said "Hey, I got an idea! Let's make a cereal that tastes like apples!" But, as was made very clear by their advertising campaign in the late 90's, they don't taste like apples. They may make you good at extreme sports and be federally required to contain 15 vitamins and minerals, but they do not taste like apples. So, they had the goal of creating a cereal that tasted like apples, but they failed. But it's okay, because Apple Jacks are still delicious.

So, even if you don't do what you set out to accomplish, or if you didn't do what was expected of you, you can still do something great. Even if you tried to taste like apples and you don't.