Tri-tip for Congress!

"I'll get all my papers and smile at the sky
For I know that the hypnotized never lie"
-The Who, "Won't Get Fooled Again"

Our system may be a broken mess of corrupt partisan bullshit, but I still believe in democracy, because democracy gives me free tri-tip sandwiches.  Or at least Tom Watson does, who is running for congress (I'm pretty sure) as a Republican (at least I think so anyway).

We were sitting around our living room one evening when one of my housemate's friend comes in saying "dude, they're giving out free tri-tip sandwiches in that park by Embarcadero."  Being strapped for cash (probably because this site generates shit revenue, you know how to help out) I jumped out of my chair and headed for the door, which was a bad idea because I have a stress fracture in my back.  But free tri-tip!  When we got there, we discovered there was much more than free tri-tip.  There were tank tops that said "Tom Watson for Congress," bottle openers and ping-pong balls that bore the same insignia, and, holy shit, Tom Watson himself!  I recognized him from the TV ad where a supposedly rational yet nonthreatening woman rips on our current congressperson.  Tom Watson seems like someone who wouldn't mug me in a dark alley, and told me that he was a pole vaulter in college as he shook my hand which had cheeto dust on it.  Oops.  There was even music playing, including "Won't Get Fooled Again," which I never thought I would hear at anything to do with the Republican Party.  Times have changed.  But what as conspicuously absent was any sort of issues or even mention of politics at all.  We got free meat and some shirts that could be used as viral campaigning, and for a lot of people, that is enough.  "I'm going to vote for Tom Watson because he hooked me up, dude!"

This is a viable alternative to democracy.  Beware!

Now, I'm not so easily fooled, but I realize that I know nothing else about Tom Watson other than the fact he essentially bought me dinner.  Now, if he is elected because of this barbecue propaganda session and the decisions he makes while in office lead to economic collapse, that may be a very expensive dinner after all.  And what about his opponent, incumbent Lois Capps?  I don't know much about her either, although the vibe I get from her supporters reminds me of vegans and the smelly bra-burning friends that my mom has over sometimes.  I get the feeling that she would be serving tofu instead of tri-tip at her rallies.

But I know nothing about either of these candidates' policies, platforms, visions for America, Masonic connections, and so forth.  And the third guy is running as an independent, so I don't even know his name since he's effectively banished from politics by the two party system and therefore has no supporters.

This election cycle is a contest between the tide of moronic inferno that is the TEA Party movement and the impressionable idiots who are still feeling the "Yes We Can" hangover.  And while this could be a golden opportunity for candidates to change the way politics is conducted by educating voters on issues rather than empty talking points, it has become worse.  From watching the ads put out there by Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman, it makes it seem like these candidates are willing to go into my memories and kill my childhood pets with a rusty shovel.

Come November 2nd, I'll probably be voting for a tri-tip sandwich, because I know it can deliver.  And that's more than Tom Watson or Lois Capps can say for themselves.

Edit: For congressman, I ended up placing a write-in vote for "A Tri-Tip Sandwich" today.  And I hope you did too.