This Is the Place Where We Live Now

"Never had a home like this And the prophets said 'be careful what you wish' Never had to think twice Always knew my home was in paradise" -The Disco Biscuits, "Home Again" Home is not the place where you want to live. Home can be a place where you have to live, or a place that needs you. If you don't want to improve your situation, you lose the creative stimulus that is hardwired into the human brain, and you stagnate. The way I see it, if you are satisfied with where you live, you need to move. Therefore, achieving complete satisfaction causes a loss of humanity.

Now, here is my problem: I am not making much of an effort to improve my situation. The immediate impediment is that I don't have the energy to do so. I know I need to do laundry, but the Vitamin Hospice has exorbitantly priced coin laundry machines, and I'm not sure how if that would put me in danger of being detected. I have a team meeting in less than three hours and I know I should do laundry before then, but I am not willing to make the effort. I don't want to organize things because I my room has taken on a state of Zen impermanence and I know that it may be futile.

I'm home and I love it and this is the place where I live, even if I may be squatting, even though I will be moving again very soon. I may live in a reality that is not reality, but that is what I'm used to. We live in a place that is not the real world, and not some fantasy or parallel universe. We live an an in-between microverse where things are real but only to a certain extent and time is not slower, there is just more of it. This is the place where we live now.

And I will not improve my situation to a very great extent. That is because I have to be uncomfortable. Discomfort and pain need to be routine. I need to wrap myself in it, bathe myself in it, lather it up, rub it behind my ears. I have found that doing things that make me comfortable or cause me pleasure don't necessarily make me happy. I am happy when I have work to do, I am happy when I am consciously deciding to be uncomfortable. And that is what I will have to do, I will have to transform myself. This is not going to be enjoyable, but I have work to do and sometimes you have to stop being a bitch and get the work done. This is not what people want, people want to be comfortable and always improving their situation, but I want a situation that is uncomfortable so that my creative stimuli come from breaking free.

Walking back to the vitamin hospice on one Sexy Sunday Night I was walking back to the vitamin hospice. The sidewalk was crowded with groups of people going the other direction and having fun. I'm walking towards them and they don't move and I don't move. Maybe I shouldn't be allowed to walk on the sidewalk, maybe I'm a second class citizen in this depraved society simply because I am willing to not enjoy myself. No, I am not moving off this sidewalk! I walked through throngs of drunk and staggering fun seekers, they were surprised at my audacity, because they knew I was different. And I am not the same as most of the rest of this microverse, but even still, this is my home and this is where work needs to be done.